Wake up time for me is somewhere between 2 and 4 am though now it's winter those hours have changed to 3 and 5, must be something to do with the light of the day. I do love to watch the lamenting rays as they kiss me gently awake.
My life recently has been about getting to know me. Expressing myself in ways only I can, crochet for a loved one, knitting for the neice and nephew, posts to the sister who lost everything in the flood, reading about wonderful women on the blog sites, writing, finishing projects and listening to others who are way wiser than me.
Just because we take a leap of faith doesn't mean there's always a stone to step on. I've been falling in this cavern for a minute or two. I've found a peace gifted to me by an awesome kind and gentle soul, thank you Shauna Teaken. I'm still falling yet there is peace in the drift now and I'm not afraid of the landing, it will come soon I know it's approach. It has been lonely for the human part of me and I have felt invisible. Though I've learned today thank you Nicole Cody, that there are others who have felt this lonliness too and perhaps it is a Cathedral in the making or random kindness shared with many, truth the lonely feeling stops when I meditate and connect, thank you Gary Douglas I way understand the cave man, yet, as soon as I come back to Earth the loneliness re appears.
Perhaps it's because I live alone, perhaps it's because my daughter has grown away, perhaps it's due to running a small business that I'm often alone in our office space, perhaps it's that my falling is part of reconnecting with the planet? Is there an answer to the lonliness? I'm into the question everything mode like a six year old at the moment. What would it take for me to just be, without the hollow emptiness? Why when I understand so much is there still an emptiness? I get it does this belong to me? Truth in part but only in part most of it belongs to others and some belongs to you. How can I gift to you a kindness that will spread like ripples in a pond until we all feel the bounce of love and fun and joy?
Strangely I began to write to you this today with sharing in mind, not sadness, yet in the re reading it seems sad. Why?
Hi Helen. You have very much been on my mind this morning. I want you to now that you are not invisible. You are worthy and loved. I know that you know that, but sometimes it's not always easy to feel that. We don't have to live alone to feel lonely. There's been times that I have been surrounded by people, and have felt incredibly alone. Like a square peg in a round hole. I have found accepting myself for who I am has been a great help when feeling more connected with others. I think self-judgement is incredibly debilitating. Not that I'm saying you are doing it, it's just what I've observed in me. I have suffered also from the illusion of being constantly judged by others. Ouch. It hurts. I have realised that I will be judged by some, but not all, and also if I judge others, it is something in me I am judging!! I actually find great peace in solitude. But I love social media, because I can instantly connect with people who are a bit a misfit like me! Well, we're not really mis fits, we are just ourselves. I really like that. Be yourself ~ there is noone like you. Blessings Helen, Krishna xx
ReplyDeleteHi Krishna, Thank you for your warmth it is felt. Helen
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